The Netflix limited series ‘Adolescence’ has sparked a conversation about violence against women that has resonated in homes, workplaces and social forums all over the UK, Ireland and the UK.
It has also launched a great deal of criticism, particularly that the fictional death of a young woman in a drama should create such outrage, while the actual deaths of real women within our communities often doesn’t.
Adding to this, I’ve encountered comments from women online who suggest men shouldn’t be talking about this at all, that it’s a conversation women should lead. They suggest the very presence of men in the debate will only muddy the waters and lead to the entire process being minimised in myriad ways.
I don’t want to offend any women who feel it’s not my place to voice an opinion, however, as a journalist, author, educator and social care worker, I have been involved in many cases of violence against women both as a frontline worker and a commentator, and I have come to believe that men do have a part to play in the narrative.
Men live in families with fathers, brothers and sons, work alongside other men, go to the pub with male friends, participate in social activities and sports with other blokes, and they all have an obligation to call out misogyny when they encounter it.
It might seem like a throwaway comment, a harmless joke, a smutty meme sent via WhatsApp, a lewd video sent to your DMs from a friend, an aggressive statement made about a partner in a moment of anger – whatever it is, you need to call it out. If we remain silent, we might as well be condoning.
Because these ways of thinking are the starting point. The line between a gender-based sleight and physical violence is a slim one. That friend who is sending you a video he thinks is funny depicting a woman being debased in some way, is far more likely to be the same person who loses control and ends up physically harming a woman in an act of rage than a man whose moral compass would never steer him to such ill-founded behaviour.
And there are plenty of guys out there who don’t even know such exchanges are wrong. The constant presence of individuals like Andrew Tate, Conor McGregor and Donald Trump across our media platforms has begun to normalise sexism. They are very public, very active, and very loud in their toxic views and opinions.
Men who hold opposing opinions, who will not tolerate such ‘banter’ in person or on social media, need to start being vocal too.
I want to share a couple of interviews I’ve done on this topic.
The first was done just this week on The Late Lunch show on LMFM, and is about the impact of the Adolescence series – I’m the first guest on the show, and come in at the 4 minute 37 second mark.
The second is a panel discussion I took part in on KCLR FM, in Kilkenny, after the murder in January 2022 of Ashling Murphy, which covers a wide range of topics salient to this debate, and is as relevant today as it was more than three years ago.
I’m posting both to show that this subject is an ongoing issue, and one I have been engaging with for a long time, and to show that the messaging is just the same.
I’d love to hear your views. We all need to have a conversation about this.
Shane Dunphy 
Brilliant Shane
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